FAQs

The Bate Mates / San Diego Jacks is a private social club for men based in San Diego. We bring together open-minded and respectful guys of any orientation — gay, bi, straight, or curious — who celebrate masturbation as a natural, safe, and healthy act, and who value masculinity, an active lifestyle, self-care, connection, mutual respect, confidence, and encouragement.

We are a club focused on masturbation, dedicated to building a safe space for men who express masculine energy and value mutual respect to explore connection with one another. We proudly welcome men of any orientation and from all racial and cultural backgrounds.

Our club is curated for men of diverse styles and personalities—from jocks and sporty guys to lean and geeky types, muscle builds, clean-cut looks, and otter-style ruggedness.

To align with our current group dynamic and attendee preferences, we look for men who maintain an active lifestyle, presenting physiques that range from lean and athletic to naturally fuller, solid, dad-bod builds. Our goal is ensuring compatibility and a positive shared experience for everyone.

We value men who are emotionally mature, socially intuitive, and respectful—those who can read the room, honor boundaries, and communicate clearly without needing reminders. To maintain a comfortable environment and ensure overall group safety, certain activities and behaviors are strictly restricted. Please check our Code of Conduct for more details.

To keep a balanced and enjoyable experience for our current attendees, all new applicants are asked to complete a short form or connect with us through social media or messages apps. Each form submission is reviewed to ensure a good fit with the group dynamic. Recent photos are required as part of the approval process, along with a few details about yourself. Use the Application link on our menu.

Each submission is reviewed for approval before attending any event. Access is limited to pre-approved guests only, and we reserve the right to deny entry at the door at our discretion to maintain the comfort, safety, and overall experience of the group.

This is a predominantly nude circle jerk meetup. You are welcome to keep your underwear on if you prefer, though most guys go fully naked.
Consent always comes first and can be revoked at any time.

ARRIVING AT THE MEETUP:
Everyone usually arrives right around the start time since events have a pre-established duration. If you prefer even more discretion, feel free to arrive 10 minutes after doors open. You will be greeted, checked in, and directed to the changing area, where bags are provided to store your clothes.

As mentioned, all guys get completely bare. We know that can feel intimidating at first, but trust the process. We have all been in your shoes, but once you try it, you will find that being naked is how you truly step into the experience. 

We ask that all guests show up clean, but before heading into the play area, everyone is required to wash their hands, rinse their mouth, and give their private area a quick refresh (with a rinse or wipe). A clean, fresh tool guarantees a great experience for everyone.

Once inside the play area, take a seat and let the vibe settle in. Every meetup brings its own energy—ranging from chill and intimate to highly sensory or packed with action right away. A first-time visit can bring up nerves, but give yourself the chance to feel the raw power of being naked among other men who are there for the exact same reason: to connect, explore, and have fun without judgment. Same if you see someone you know: our Code of Conduct requires what happens there, stays there. You and them are there for the same reason.

Every man’s tool is different. Showers, growers, rock hard, or soft and smooth—trimmed, shaved, or natural bush—we celebrate every single one! Remember: it's not about performance, but positive attitude. We just ask you to show up healthy, clean, kind, and bring a chill vibe.

Always make eye contact and approach others respectfully. Make yourself visible to the guy, guys, or group you want to join. Think of it as a social space built on male camaraderie. As you settle in, you naturally learn how to explore, show off, get yourself or other guys aroused, appreciate each other's form, or just sharing a solid bond with a fellow bro.

FEW DETAILS:
Participants are generally between 18 and 55 years old.

Privacy is mandatory: No phones, recordings, or pictures.

Show up clean. Avoid strong colognes or perfumes. Cigarette, weed, and strong body odors can be boner killers. Upon entry, wash your hands, rinse your mouth, undress, and step into the play area ready to go.

The focus is on masculine bonding, self or mutual play, and edging in a relaxed, social atmosphere. Side play is welcome.

Oral must be light and moderated to keep the focus on bating. It also helps to ensure everyone’s comfort, safety, and a smooth group flow. Watching without participating is also perfectly fine.

Consensual interaction and strict respect for boundaries are mandatory at all times. Being part of this group means expressing your own boundaries while keeping things kind and friendly. If you witness any inappropriate or odd behavior, please address it ASAP with one of the hosts. This collective effort is what keeps the experience safe and positive for you and the vast majority of our members. On the top of that, we are all adults and we don't have time for drama.

Amenities Provided: We supply lube, wipes, paper tissues, towels, water, light snacks, and mouthwash. There are restrooms at the location.

What You Can Bring: Feel free to bring your preferred lube, cock rings, favorite socks, poppers, or a full-face mask (balaclava or ski-style only—please no medical masks).

Substances & safety: No drugs of any kind are allowed (poppers are the only exception). Alcoholic beverages are not allowed, unless informed on the RSVP for a BYOB event. Certain activities are restricted to maintain a safe and respectful environment. Reading and acknowledging our Code of Conduct is required prior to participation. 

DYNAMICS:
Guests naturally interact and rotate between small groups, keeping the experience highly social and inclusive. There is absolutely no pressure to jump right in. Some guys prefer to sit back and watch the action, while others like to take their time warming up—especially first-timers.

It's not a performance show for the biggest or hardest hogs; it's about sharing good vibes, bringing chill energy, lending a hand (or borrowing one), connecting, exploring, sensualizing, embracing camaraderie, and making sure you (and the bros) have a great time. 

We provide plenty of seating, as well as optional wristbands for anyone who prefers a non-contact experience (unless their preference changes and is explicitly and verbally expressed to others).

Because our recent meetups have welcomed anywhere from 25 to over 50 men, we host our events in a spacious, discreet private rental venue to comfortably accommodate everyone while maintaining a secure, upscale environment. 

CONTRIBUTION:
We ask attendees for a contribution to help cover the venue rental, amenities, setup, maintenance, cleaning, and organizational costs. This simply covers our immediate expenses and helps fund the continuation of future events for the crew. Any contribution above the minimum helps us keep the experience accessible for other men in our community who cannot afford a full contribution at the time, or may be currently going through a financial hardship .